dude i'm inner monologue high
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
