i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
