I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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