I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize