I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
