i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
