The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
