Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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