I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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