Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
