Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
