The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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