I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
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I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
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I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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