So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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