So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
