Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
