I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
