You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm at about main and main street
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
