the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
