I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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