New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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