32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
