as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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