you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
