he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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