Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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