She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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