2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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