The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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