My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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