Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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