This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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