If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
