Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
