I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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