She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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