Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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