I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
