So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
