That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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