She is in my trunk
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
