I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
