I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
