I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
