That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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