opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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