Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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