Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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