I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
