Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
