worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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