Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Alive.
So much puke
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
