you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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