gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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