his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
