All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
