I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
