i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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