She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
porn star boner night. come get it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
