he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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