Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
