so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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