Someone shit on the floor
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Green mimosas i think yes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize