After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
