There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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