i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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