Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
