Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
