Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
