Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize