PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
