How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When are your genitals available?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
