So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
