And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
