I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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