Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
