I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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