my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
